She seemed embarrassed to admit it.
She sat in front of me, eyes darting away a little, and said quietly,
“I know I shouldn’t care… but I just want to look better in my body.”
And here’s what I told her:
Me too.
I care how I look. I care how I feel in my clothes. I care about feeling confident when I catch myself in the mirror.
And you know what? That’s okay.
So many women apologise to me for caring about this – as if it’s shallow, or something we’re not supposed to say out loud.
But it’s human.
(And I’m not just saying that. Caring about how we look is driven by evolutionary wiring – from reproductive signals to social belonging and status.)
Where I do think we go wrong though, is this:
👉🏻 We use the scales as the main way to measure how we look and feel in our body.
And that’s where it all gets a bit murky.
Because the scales are inaccurate. They measure weight – the force of gravity acting on your body mass. That’s it.
They won’t tell you how strong you are, how capable you feel, or how much energy you have.
They definitely won’t tell you about your body composition (which likely has way more to do with how you look and feel in your body.)
When I had my first baby, I was the smallest I’ve ever been; 5kg lighter than I am now.
People kept saying how “great” I looked. How I “didn’t even look like I’d had a baby.”
(Don’t get me started on how messed up I now realise that is as a compliment. I didn’t back then though. It felt validating somehow. Like, well, at least I look better than how I feel, right? 🤯)
But in reality, I was a shell of a human. Exhausted. Depleted. Nowhere near healthy. (My first was a massive feeder 😅)
Now, I’ve never had significant struggles with weight, and I don’t pretend to know what that journey feels like.
But here’s what I do know:
It’s probably not your weight that you care about.
(I mean, I don’t think you care about the force of gravity on your body mass..?)
You care about how you feel in your body.
Maybe you want to feel strong. Energised. Confident.
And maybe you also care about how you look in your body – but it’s likely because you think that would bring something else:
More ease. More acceptance. More happiness.
Either way, it’s not really about the number.
Which means using the scales as your main measure doesn’t make much sense.
And while we’re at it, the mirror isn’t always a reliable measure either.
We know how distorted our perception can be. Hormones, mood, fluid retention, poor sleep; they all shift the lens.
So no, I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about how you look.
And I definitely don’t think you should feel embarrassed to admit it.
I’m just saying:
👉🏻 maybe it’s time to think more deeply about how you’re measuring progress.
- You could track your body composition.
- You could log your strength gains.
- You could keep notes on your energy, mood, and confidence.
If this is has made you rethink how you’re tracking your progress, hit reply and let me know -> what are you going to track instead of the scales?